Food Rule #10

Food Rule #10: The Snack Pack Rule - You do whatever it takes to get as much residual pudding out of that Snack Pack container as possible. Scoop incessantly for several minutes, try and lick it out, cut the container in half - whatever it takes. Never give up.

Food Rule #9

Food Rule #9: The Supplied Sauce Rule - When ordering a food which may come with optional sauces (i.e. soy sauce, hot sauce, barbecue, honey mustard) you must and will accept the offered or included sauces. No personal sauces may be used. For example, one can not enter a fast food establishment, order a five-piece nugget, turn down the honey mustard, return home and proceed to dip said nuggets into a previously purchased honey mustard. This detracts from the experience of the meal and makes the transgressor look like an all-around douche.

Food Rule #8

Food Rule #8: The Fajita Rule - Any steps can be taken to ensure the successful consumption of a Mexican food (fajitas, tacos, etc.) as long as the high caloric content is retained. It is not the form of the food that is important, but the greasy deadly deliciousness. For example, you may eat a fajita with a fork and knife if you are so inclined, but none of the tasty unhealthy grease may be drained from said fajita.

Food Rule #7

Food Rule #7: The Cereal Prize Rule - If a box of cereal contains a prize, it must be removed upon opening the box. You MUST NOT wait until the cereal is finished, but instead dig it out violently and greedily with little to no regard for the safety of yourself or others.



Note: Anyone who is concerned about crushing their cereal is an incompetent pansy, and should be shunned from society for the rest of their adult lives.

Food Rule #6

Food Rule #6: The Mascot Rule - Any cereal lacking an animated mascot should be avoided at all costs. If you think you are too old for cartoon mascots, then you are too old for cereal. Shell out some change and drive yourself to fucking Denny's.

Food Rule #5

Food Rule #5: The Remaining Milk Rule - After finishing a bowl of cereal, the milk at the bottom of the bowl must be drunk. There is no excuse.

Food Rule #4

Food Rule #4: The Fridge Rule - Anything that is neither raw nor completely frozen can be eaten cold. Anything.

Food Rule #3

Food Rule #3: The Oral Sex Rule - No man shall ever pretend to perform fellatio on any type of oblong or penis-shaped food object. This includes, but is not limited to, bananas, cucumbers, carrots, etc. For women, this is sort of action is perfectly acceptable, and usually encouraged.

Food Rule #2

Food Rule #2: The Pizza Pocket Rule - Anything that is inside a pocket must remain in a pocket. Do not open it. It is in a pocket for a reason. Just eat it.


Note: Pizza Pockets are particularly unattractive. Have you ever looked at the insides? Don't.

Welcome To "The Food Rules"

This is "The Food Rules"

A project started by myself and my buddy Will. It all began with the basic rule of all that is edible - The 5-Second Rule. We hope to expand on this rule by adding a few of our own. These are rules to live by, and more importantly, to eat by.



You may send any recommendations to thefoodrules@yahoo.com